MY GUTS

In the middle of a long hill

2012-02-22T12:19:00.000-06:00

In the last two weeks of long runs, I have felt like I can finally push the hills and sprint the finish, even going the extra 2 miles beyond the group when someone needs a companion for their marathon training. In both runs, two different runners who usually lead the pack have had to drop back or out, due to physical issues (symptoms like GI, lack of sleep, etc.). One of the others running made

"Do not despise the day of small things."

2012-02-12T13:27:00.000-06:00

I have had a cough for over a month now. It started with a horse throat and now the act of responding to the tickle in my throat has caused me to have pains in my back and sides. When talking, I sometimes end up doubled over in a fit of hacking. People stare and ask if I am ok. My kids imitate it like it is funny and now my sides hurt so badly I am taking meds for the pain

Laboring

2011-08-04T11:34:00.000-05:00

My sister is in labor right now. Hearing her voice from the hospital room, I sense that this is a defining moment full of fear, pain and anticipation. A small and helpless little person lurking in the waters of unknowns. I want to tell her all the moments that are coming, but my advice sounds flat. I stop talking as I realize she must experience them to understand. Classic

I do

2011-08-03T12:51:00.000-05:00

My beautiful 22 year old sister-in-law is married. The day was perfection, from her purple eye shadow, to her side feather hair accessory, with white wire netting to her chin. I met her at age six and over the years she has blossomed, figuring out who she is, what she wants and now journeying forward to a new city, med school and a man who loves her for her (and vice versa). At the event I got

More on Lying

2011-07-27T09:51:00.001-05:00

Recently my three year old son has been talking to himself and when I try to jump into his world he says, "mom, i'm not talking to you." He thinks out loud, so I don't have to guess what is going on. On the flip side, I have a close friend whose boyfriend is abusive and I skit around them, like we are sand crabs jumping into our separate holes to avoid the truth. Another friend and I are the

Add I-phone to the budget?

2011-07-25T09:47:00.000-05:00

So I am getting ready to switch to an i-phone. I have been waiting for a year, watching my t-mobile plan run out. I got a free I-touch that I use for listening to books, but recently cracked on the sidewalk. When it happened, I was almost relieved, thinking, now I have a real justification for a new purchase. I wonder at my desire for what everyone else has. The commercials make me wonder if

Christian Censorship

2011-07-22T10:31:00.000-05:00

I have not let many people read my work outside of classes. People ask to read repeatedly and I hesitate and then say sure, but never send anything to them. I wonder what people will say about my work, both about the writing and the subject matter. I remember the first paper I wrote in AP English at a public HS. I ended my essay with a Bible verse and testimony. Three days later my teacher

Internal Poetry

2011-07-20T10:58:00.000-05:00

I have been reading Mary Oliver poems because two people have mentioned that they liked her. I received her first volume of poetry several years ago as a Christmas gift from my sister-in-law. Not knowing a thing about her, I carried the purple book from house to house almost discarding it with each move. This week I found myself scouring the house to find it, as if it would instantly connect me

Pulling an Allnighter

2011-07-18T11:19:00.001-05:00

My sister bought an amazing house in the heart of a hopping city and is in process of renovating it. As I wondered through the big rooms with large windows looking out on tall trees, I focused on the layers of pealing wallpaper and long cracking ceiling. She was full of joy and possibility, as if this were a place she could really settle with her new baby. I was stuck in the stress of the work,

Belonging

2011-07-15T10:58:00.001-05:00

Coming back from a family reunion in Connecticut, I spent the week thinking about my family. Each of my six siblings are married, many have kids and all have faith. In our days together we went to the depths of our relationships with our spouses, selves and God, answering questions like what first drew us to our spouse and what are the hot buttons in our relationship. We talked of cleaning quirks

Christian Women Are Good at Housework

2011-07-12T10:22:00.002-05:00

There is a sense that Christian women are organized, good cooks, helpful, planned, put together, etc and I am not. All my sisters appear to be pretty amazing in that regard. My therapist says everyone hates the grocery store, but I don't believe her. For today, I feel content in how much I am enjoying my kids and our days together. We have a rythm and unlimited space to explore our closets and

The People Pleasing Saga

2011-07-06T22:22:00.000-05:00

I am a people pleaser. I lie to make you feel good. I apologize for taking up space. To do things together feels tricky because it means working with others. It means wanting them to believe I like them, so they will like me. This often translates to how can I drop everything to solve their problems and be available. I realize that it does create lasting connections, but since I was a child, I

Passive Characters

2011-07-01T10:21:00.001-05:00

As I begin to write about my middle aged woman living in NYC, I have to force her to act! The word on the writer's street is that no one is interested in passive characters. A deeper question this morning is if people are interested in passive people, i.e. myself? The best fictional example of a passive character is Muriel's mother in the movie Muriel's Wedding. This woman is flat, large, and

Facing Off

2011-06-29T21:42:00.000-05:00

I can't help wondering why we are so averse to pain or death, after watching a crazy scene from a movie recently. Here is my version of the scene: A man stands, six foot seven on a roof top, wet with rain, pointing a hand sized gun at the eight year old girl. Girl: "Will it hurt a lot." Man: "Just for a second." Girl: "Ok, I'm ready." Man: "Now brace yourself. One, two, three," POW! (shoots gun)

Editing A Life

2011-06-15T22:13:00.003-05:00

I attended a local writing conference this weekend to find inspiration in the process. What the leader of my workshop, Margo Rabb and others seemed to repeat most was, there is no easy way in or out of the process. It is all hard! Without saying anything about the choice in being a writer, someone who knows my tendency to quit after a given amount of time, recently encouraged me to stick with it.

Alzheimers

2011-06-10T11:38:00.001-05:00

My teacher, Deborah Bayer wrote the most beautiful Reader Response for The Sun Magazine on the theme, Rites of Passage. I hope everyone will read it. It is about her mother finding joy in a duck flying, as if she is a child and she ends with, "suddenly her condition seemed less like a downward spiral and more like a coming full circle." I am Inspired by her beautiful connection with loving her

American Flag - Fiction

2011-05-25T21:49:00.002-05:00

Sometimes a wind is content to wrap itself in the flag that is raised and lowered every day by my grandfather. At night he takes red stars off the strings, carefully collecting the corners of blue stripes in his thumb and forefinger. He folds across an imagined square, then hides the extra bit of rectangle inside to allow for the next step, making perfect right triangles. The material swings back

Tough God

2011-05-23T20:18:00.000-05:00

This month I have been trying to make God make sense. My dilemma with a good God is that I can't figure out how he can be in my court, when I am not following him. In much of the Old Testament, God is letting people die. I read story after story to my three year old about mass destruction, Noah's Ark, Joshua conquering Jericho, Pharaoh's army being covered by the sea, David killing the giant. In

Starting Over Again Again

2011-05-20T20:18:00.000-05:00

I ran two consecutive days last week, after taking a year and a half off. Many people ask me if I am running and I end up looking at my feet and wishing I could say yes. With my depression, my husband asked what I thought I needed and my instant response was I need to run. It feels great and hard and freeing. Once I have run a few days, I instantly think ahead to two weeks out when it will feel

Fritos

2011-05-16T09:36:00.000-05:00

I recently bought Fritos for a good-buy party for a good friend from church. They were on sale and made me think about my mom. She loved them along with butter pecan ice cream, Triscuits, mound bars, raspberries and hot water. The description on the front of the Fritos bag read all natural, gluten free, no trans fats, so I believe them to be a health snack that I can enjoy without guilt. My

Planting

2011-05-11T20:35:00.000-05:00

I planted raspberries at the top of the hill in my back yard tonight. It took hauling in dirt, wood chips, 15 little plants and a lot of digging and mixing. I have never had my own land, so it is exciting to look out my window and see the red line, where the pine mulch surrounds my hope of fresh fruit this summer. We had them growing up and my mom and I would collect a few every day for most of

Being the Odd Woman Out

2011-05-11T19:39:00.000-05:00

I have worked many jobs in my 35 years. In them, I live by the motto, I will figure it out. The insurmountables were overcome as I stumbled through financial formulas in Excel, developed courses in communications and fired several people while being empathetic. In each role, I have had to pretend I was competent until others and I believed it. Running for Nike, working in HR and now being in a "

The Editing Process

2011-05-11T10:06:00.000-05:00

On Wednesday, I met with my writing coach to do an in-depth edit of a short story. I had my ten month old and three year old in tough and traveled over an hour to hit my destination, Lansing, MI. Once inside Decker Coffee, my baby was happy roaming around the coaches and entertaining himself. My three year old was the opposite, repeatedly asked if we could leave and edging towards the door. He

One Hope to Fill the Void of This Day

2011-05-02T11:00:00.000-05:00

I am all emotion spilling out of my weekend of late nights and good-byes. I have looked the deep void within my soul in the eyes and I am afraid. The eyes that as a child would watch couples kissing and think they were so happy, making me want the same attention. I watched Water for Elephants and the main character's chief aim in life becomes satisfying his wife with every good thing she never

A thought on Easter

2011-04-23T16:40:00.000-05:00

On Thursday afternoon I was sitting by the neighborhood sandbox with my kids and a 4, 5 & 6 year old who all live on our block. As we chatted, the following transpired: 4 yr old: "We should buy enough sand to reach Jesus." 5: "Who is Jesus?" 4: "He’s the President" Me to 5 yr old: "This weekend people celebrate Easter,

"Write What You Are Passionate About"

2011-04-20T22:16:00.003-05:00

So I went to hear a poet read and sing on Friday night. It was a big effort to get out, knowing I would be alone, probably miss it and that it was thirty minutes away (which is far for Ann Arbor, where almost everything is within fifteen). Due to some luck or synchronicity or divine intervention, I got there at the intermission, just before he went on stage to begin his performance. The guy is

Agonizing in Chaos

2011-04-19T22:17:00.002-05:00

I don't organize. Food is random. In the afternoon I think, "Oh phew, we still have some things that might work for dinners." My husband is fine with most things beyond having too many nights of salads and any food on the "wown't eat" list. So I just got a bunch of quirky cookbooks from a neighbor and will once again attempt a month plan, freezing meats and hoping things last, because the work

Processing

2011-04-16T11:43:00.001-05:00

Somehow the people who try hardest to love me, give me gifts or really listen, make me afraid of them. My favorite teacher is constantly asking me to do things and I find myself looking down and leaving class the minute she dismisses us, to avoid her. I somehow believe they must be mistaken about investing in me, must want something from me, or will soon realize I am shallow. So I let them grow

2011-04-15T13:26:00.000-05:00

In the past few days I have sat around thinking about personal struggles with abusers, navigating in relationships and how I play active or passive roles in engaging. My friend Melissa wrote an amazing blog about doing the dishes or not doing the dishes, that everyone should read!! She says the following: "There are only ever really two options: do the dishes or don't do them." http://

Writing for Today

2011-04-14T22:16:00.000-05:00

I believe that it does not matter if I write or paint or run. What is essential is that I am doing anything that grounds me in this moment. My creative life appears in pauses between needy babies; spaces where I can hear myself think. Writing is my choice, but saying it makes me wonder why I am not creating forms and figures in clay. The answer is that I can't stomach the juggling of childcare

Want to Write something?

2011-04-13T12:22:00.000-05:00

Here are quick and easy places you can submit your work right now!!! - The Sun Readers Write: Topic for this Month is Authority - Blood Orange: Low Budget WCC Monthly Journal - Bathhouse: EMU E Journal - This I Believe: Submissions to NPR Happy Writing!!!

Remembering Mom

2011-04-02T10:09:00.000-05:00

Close your eyes and imagine mom saying, “Chicka-dee-dee-dee,” as she watches the little black capped bird hop around the skinny glass feeder. See her sip hot water from a speckled blue mug and woosh mail and magazines around the butcher-block table to find the place she last remembers reading, where a word waits for her to catch it. Eat your blueberry pancakes, with homemade honey

I am a Cheerleader

2011-02-25T19:28:00.000-06:00

I was a born cheerleader. I practiced my splits for the entire month of March, 1991 in anticipation of try-outs. For the three prior years, I attended every basketball game, watching my sister jump and shout and my brother make countless three pointers. The team let me stand with them during smaller events. When I did not make the squad, because of a blip in my character

Two planes, two kids under 3, Bring it on!

2011-02-24T12:49:00.002-06:00

It is the night before I take my two boys on not one but two planes to get to Ft Meyer. David wants to be a pilot when he grows up and is ecstatic about this adventure. We have broken a paper chain link everyday for two weeks, because for the past month, he has said, “can we go now?”We leave here at 9:45 AM and arrive at our final destination at 5:45 PM. Isaac has never

Today

2011-02-18T21:58:00.000-06:00

I called my best friend today saying I can't give myself permission to write. That I am failing at relationships, mothering and creating. A few times, today included she tells me what she tells her yoga students, "Accept your body as it is for at least the next 60 minutes." She also said, "You are doing the best job you can right now." I try to argue otherwise, but she insists that with what I

Anyone there?

2010-10-26T23:16:00.000-05:00

It has been over a month since I added my thoughts to this page and I hope that I don't lose faith in this method of claiming myself as legitimate. I want to allow myself to post as life allows. There are so many scraps of thoughts I jotted down that I want to share, so here goes: I have been thinking a lot about belonging and find myself searching for a space to be me. I think of my mothers

Mom Label = I am Uninteresting

2010-09-22T10:16:00.020-05:00

Something I have run into a lot lately is the fact that the minute I receive the mom label, without the “legit” job tacked on the end, people tend to move on and dismiss me. This weekend I was at a party, where everyone had funky hair and quirky personalities, traveling to Detriot for NPR related shows and contributing to society in seemingly important ways. The minute I walked in, I felt like an

Help

2010-09-22T10:16:00.019-05:00

In order to invest in "my other work" of writing, I need to have childcare for my boys. One (I) could question whether this is legitimate, knowing that it might never generate a penny or directly help anyone else. The idea of help is tricky. There are days when I resent my kids for my lack of time and my spouse for judging me as an inconsistent housekeeper. The clothes are always piling up, the

Affirmations

2010-09-22T10:16:00.000-05:00

I have struggled to know what matters to me amid the many voices I encounter, I am fighting for my time, and ultimately, my voice. I am the youngest of seven kids, compliant by nature and forever seeking positive attention from others as validation for who I am. I received good support in my working careers to validate my “business” self-worth, though my motivation was often external. I tend to

Working on Empty

2010-09-06T14:12:00.000-05:00

I remember sitting in a group therapy situation, where the leaders told us about the notion base levels and heightened reactivity. In a base level of operating, you are calm and relaxed. When you become angry or respond to intense situations, your emotions become elevated to address it. Then when the circumstance dissipates, you move back to that base level of operating, if and only if you can

Having Stuff = Success?

2010-08-29T23:52:00.001-05:00

Like millions, I saw the movie Inception and loved it. It felt like one of those out of body experiences. It is fascinating to ponder the power of dreams in consuming and changing our reality. Something I keep thinking about is the concept that "An idea is like a virus. Resilient, highly contagious. The smallest seed of an idea can grow. It can grow to define, or destroy you.” My husband is

Enduring Sleep Deprivation

2010-08-29T22:35:00.000-05:00

Before getting back to solving my personal problems, I have to address my life with a sleepless baby. In general, I crave predictability in my kids. The fact that my two and a half year old, David, is a great sleeper and will go to bed or stay in his room after 8 pm every night is amazing. As a teenager, I used to hate putting kids to bed because of the exhausting effort it took to "make" them

Standing Up

2010-08-13T21:48:00.000-05:00

When I was an eight year old camper at Deer Run, I remember one of the older girls saying she made a vow to herself that she would always stand up for what she believed in. She was brave and confident and I wanted to be just like her. Since then, I have met several women who I get a similar feeling about. Women who have real passion and seem content, even in the midst of struggles. They have

Boredom

2010-08-13T21:14:00.000-05:00

A friend of mine recently shared that despite being one of the busiest people alive, she had an hour to herself and felt completely bored. She did not know what to do with herself. I had to laugh because on Monday, I was sitting in a coffee shop with the same dilemma. I wrote out my to-do’s, I thought about writing, reading, community work, new artist groups to start and began to sweat because I

Curiousity

2010-08-10T14:37:00.000-05:00

In 2003 I took a Dale Carnegie Class, paid for by my employer. The 12 week course promised overnight success in work and social situations. On the first night I learned ten topics that allow you to have great conversations with anyone, starting with saying their name. Then it went to where they grew up, family, vacations, hobbies, books, etc. The course focused on story telling and audience,

We Were Built to Create!

2010-08-02T10:11:00.000-05:00

I want to make a note about being an Artist. I believe that we are ALL made to create! This weekend a friend with a little vegtible garden commented that when she sees all of her plants, she wonders how anyone can question if there is a God. I had a similar thought while viewing thousands of animals at the 4H Fair last Wednesday. The spots and greys, thicknesses, hair types, noises, and smells

Censorship (Do I Cower at Having Readers?)

2010-08-02T09:50:00.001-05:00

So I think someone might be reading this. From the minute I posted my blog link on Facebook, it has been an amazing roller coaster in my head. Without thinking much, I decided to have the Guts to share with others. The initial responses were all so supportive. Then I had some people talk about how personally touched they were by it and I panicked. It is funny how I can share in a random text box,

Sleepless Stupor

2010-07-29T21:30:00.002-05:00

I just love this verse from Job 10: "You will forget your misery; you will remember it as waters that have passed away. And your life will be brighter than the noonday; its darkness will be like the morning. And you will have confidence, because there is hope; you will be protected and take rest in safety." Right now misery is all about a crying baby and very little sleep and the promise is that

Parenting vs. Choosing Not to Have Kids

2010-07-29T21:20:00.001-05:00

So, with a new son in our lives, I have to address the question of why people, or why I chose to have kids. This is also a response to some close friends who feel the idea of kids is appealing, but who might decide the work of child rearing is not for them, which equates to no kids. There is a sense that the rift between parenting and coupling w/o kids is so vast, that relating as adults across

Playing the Victim

2010-06-12T16:24:00.000-05:00

The past week has been an emotional one, with exhaustion and heat and a baby inside me that is weighing on my body and soul. I have cried a lot and blamed everyone I can think of for not being more supportive. In saying it is everyone else's fault, I know that I give up my power and play the role of victim. From some things I recently read about "conscious living," the victim roll is an

Being in My Own World

2010-06-03T20:41:00.001-05:00

I spent a few days in Chicago with David this past week. It was a strange adventure for us, with me being 8 months pregnant, David being a little more concerned about his surroundings, and the realization that I am a real foreigner to those parts. No one hailed me as a native, even though I spent almost 10 years in the area. I saw running friends and working friends and realized that I do not

Giving A Penny

2010-05-25T14:27:00.000-05:00

So I am going to take a stab at the topic of money, because it seems to be on my mind all the time. I have never been in the habit of saving or giving to others, but I feel very guilty about it. I heard the analogy recently that when you hold tightly to a penny in your hand, you are missing out on the treasure it would afford you. I think every few days about what I would support, who I want to

Losing Myself

2010-05-23T22:09:00.001-05:00

I spent an entire week saying yes to everything but my own writing. It seems that once I commited to a coach and writing group and actual goals with deadlines, I felt completely stuck. I watched other people's kids, slept, read my first sci-fi novel, knit, surfed for fabrics, agreed to purchase group gifts and scheduled a billion meetings. The meetings are for book clubs, weekly artist workshops

RELATIONSHIP MATTERS

2010-05-17T13:44:00.000-05:00

Last week got me thinking about several things, so I am including three BIG thoughts below: Firstly, I solidified a writing group and coach, to help me focus and work towards finishing a story. Whenever I ask for things, I always assume rejection and feel the vulnerability connected with taking everything personally. If they say no, that means they don't like me, I'm not a good writer, etc. As

Affirmations

2010-05-12T22:35:00.002-05:00

I finished a creative writing class, full of assignments, accountability and a collective group of editors, all helping me focus. Now I need to decide what to do next. I struggle with self-directed anything, ambiguity and working alone. I also wonder if my words are worth anything. Sometimes I think I have to have some master piece by the end of the day, in order to legitimize my existence.

Asking as a Way of Being Seen

2010-05-09T14:40:00.000-05:00

I have been working through a training on "Interpersonal Effectiveness," in my road to using my voice. The task of this week is to PRACTICE asking for things. I honestly feel selfish and lazy in even thinking about this, because I feel like I am not doing or helping anyone else. That being said, I am forging ahead and have a list of things I can ask for. Strangely, in doing this for the past few

How to Get out of a Funk!

2010-04-28T21:58:00.003-05:00

The last few days have been difficult, with trying to get my son to want to use the potty and figuring out how to structure our days, without any set commitments. To clarify this entry, much of the time he is brilliant and fun and I love my time with him. There are some moments, however, where he has appeared to be dissatisfied (or maybe that is me) and insistent that I do what he wants me to do.

Becoming Home

2010-04-26T14:11:00.008-05:00

I long to have time, yet when I sit alone to write, I feel like I am frantic about everything but myself. I am defined by cleaning, book clubs, food, slumber and an unending task list I created at midnight. I put things like writing, reading, looking for inspiration on the non-required and thus "unimportant" list. My creative self feels like an old rusty box , without a seam. Is my mind what is

New Learning = New Minds

2007-11-10T09:23:00.000-06:00

In thinking about self-renewal, I realized both benefits and a need for structure/discipline in order to create the habit. The structure is around motivation & energy, ability to fail, seeing things as a child, and interdependence (not co-dependence) with others. With this foundation we can be unique, free, and revolutionary in order to reject norms in favor of building a new uncharted path.

The Power of Observation

2007-11-07T20:40:00.000-06:00

In working on a daVinci exercise around sense, I decided to listen to the world for new sounds. (Being in Florence made this somewhat easy)-I heard Andrew's phone wake me up - meap, meap (old English ring sound)-Buzz of people in a Piazza - no words just bustles and pitch and constant humm-Piano hard sound, so confident-Andrew concerned about his voice on video - too nasal, he begins to

what the world needs is people who have come alive

2007-10-20T13:34:00.000-05:00

Are Success and Failure the ONLY Options?

2007-10-20T12:57:00.000-05:00

Something I have run across in my reading on Effectiveness are two theories entitled Entity & Incremental, from an article by Daniel Molden and Carol Dweck entitled "Finding "Meaning" in Psychology." Entity Theory is about set knowledge, previous programming and having an end in mind that is already determined. Incremental Theory speaks to developmental growth, and an understanding that you don't

From Fear to Inspiration!!

2007-10-20T12:44:00.000-05:00

YIKES!! This entry is less for others comments and more about a one sided confessional. Though I started the blogging exercise a month ago with great enthusiasm, after the last class, I have completely been ignoring the site. I feel a huge amount of relief to even be sitting her typing as I thought I would explode from avoidance. I think when the comments were made about all the assignments,

Feedback & Coaching in Time-Management

2007-09-30T15:17:00.000-05:00

As an exercise for the class, I signed up to have 12 people from my work evaluate me in relation to people management, leadership, teamwork, coaching, time management, communication, etc. The results of this in conjunction with my topic on effectiveness are united. My strengths are in energy, enthusiasm, team support and my opportunities lie in structuring time and work more effectively towards

Am I an Idiot? Finding music or anything for that matter

2007-09-30T09:59:00.000-05:00

It is a great mystery to me how the lay person finds meaning in things that are primarily managed or appreciated by experts. I feel I am beating my head against a wall and wonder if I am capable of figuring these things out or if I should give up! A few examples that are haunting me at the moment. . .- Searching for music to try and listen to what Michael Gelb lists as the "Great Music From the

Blogging Anonymity

2007-09-23T08:56:00.000-05:00

Just wanted to ponder this whole concept of blogging for a minute. As we explore this channel, I am curious about risk and reward. I sense some have a fear of exposure. Someone commented about my openness, while we have all talked about personal concerns for who is watching/reading. Who might read and what would that do for us? For me, this avenue seems safer than actually talking to a person. I

Thoughts on Effectiveness

2007-09-12T11:51:00.000-05:00

What motivates YOU to get up in the morning (i.e. what do you look forward to and dread)? Similarly, what keeps YOU up at night? I believe these questions speak to our underlying sense of what matters to us at a moment in time. This drives choices, actions and reactions. The more we can author and channel these driving forces, the more we can get to what matters most to us.

To be on ones own

2005-05-05T23:49:00.000-05:00

What would it feel like to be fully engaged from within? To not be swayed by external comments, off-handed remarks, disinterested gazes from people who intimidate/or pretend at being the critic, judge or even trying to play at being unmerciful god. To live so genuinely that you do not have to pretend to be anything, because you just are. You could say what you really thought, and it would be

OVERWORKED & UNDERLIVED

2005-05-02T21:38:00.000-05:00

So one of my best friends is hiking the Pacific Crest Trail right now, no money, no posessions, just a lover and a path. Do you need anything more? I am sitting at 10:52 p.m. with a trail of bitter e-mails wondering what I am doing with my life (or even with this moment).Why do I sit here, glued to my corporate swivel chair, doing "important" company business, you might ask? Without pausing I