What If. . . (I continue to imagine it)

I grew up in a concrete and controlled faith, with a literal bible and the belief that there was one answer for every faith question. I think somewhere in there my church looked at the Jesus of the bible as history and the physical signs of the Holy Spirit in modern times as unnecessary. I liked rules and being justifiable right and would listen to the Bible Answer Man radio show every night to hear Hank combat holy laughter or false prophets.

My beliefs in God’s physical working tends to come to play when I am running late (which is all the time) and I ask his help in finding parking spaces, locating car keys and fixing my kids attitudes on our way into Church. The amazing grace in these selfish prayers is that God answers them. A friend and I compared notes on these prayers and we both laughed as we confessed that God answers them. We might then write them off as coincidences, but when I take in the possibility that he is with me in my shallow needs, I am dumfounded.

My most embarrassing example of God showing up, is one I’ve only shared with one other person, but  I believe it gives testimony to God being in my life in a real way. Two years ago I spent 9 months, running 70 mile weeks to attempt a sub three hour marathon. The pressure and circumstances were so intense that a month before the event I asked God to take the option of running the race away. Then, the next week as I did a 5:30 AM speed workout on the track, I felt my long 2^nd toe snap at the joint and the instant pain of its fracture. I limped one more loop before calling it quits that day and then later getting into the podiatrist to hear I would not be running. I hate to say this, because it is crazy and not a great prayer and I don’t think God is in the business of breaking toes, but in that moment I had to look up towards heaven and laugh. I didn’t feel much pain from the injury and I was freed from the pressure of that race. This year I started up again and trained at 45 miles a week for a less speedy marathon and my same fractured toe began to throb with hints of snapping when I was a month away from the event. This time I put my hand over my foot and prayed, “God, please heal this bone and let me run this race for you.”  I believe he was with me and my race was a huge joy, me smiling the whole way and getting faster each step thinking up phrases I wished I had written on my shirt like, “Go God!,” “I’m weak[Front],” “He’s Strong[Back], "TRUST,” “ASK." (I'll stop here because I had a lot of time in the race and I don't remember all the real ones.) I also wished I had written in black marker names of people I hold up in prayer, my good friends, those who I know are in tough places and those I just want God to hold tightly.  

This all leads me to the question, “If the Holy Spirit is Real, then what?” What questions do I ask of him? What answers could give life and healing and new eyes to broken people, a broken city, and a struggling humanity around the world. This week in Sunday School, Valerie Johnson directed us to Matthew 6: 7-12.  What do I imagine of a great and all powerful God who wants so much more for me and who can (and I hope will0 work through my hands and feet and heart to reflect him.

“Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be open to you. For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened. Or what man is there among you who, when his sons asks for a loaf, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, he will not give him a snake, will he? IF you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give what is good to those who ask him!”  - Matthew 6: 7-11

On Saturday night my husband was grilling our son on spellings for words and went into the spelling of Fire vs. Fiery, and how it is spelled differently then you would expect. I jumped and disagreed with the spelling, saying it was firey, though I should know better then to question him. Andrew has won many a spelling bee and when he knows something, he can recall it with a great deal of accuracy. So he looked it up the spelling for my sake and of course was right.

I then became upset with him, because I wanted to be right and really because I had a moment of feeling the conflict of David seeing all men as intelligent and women as not (really it is my own issue). I worry sometimes that this is the modeling he is experiencing. It is what I grew up with and part of why I shut down quickly when things appear to be too complicated, too long, or include too many steps.

On the flip side, someone said to me recently that they don't experience me as unintelligent. It was a gift and one I trust and has had me thinking about whether I can believe that about myself. It makes me want to ask this question, "If i'm intelligent, then . . [what]?" I am happy to start with a blank page numbered 1 to 10 with my hand written notes beginning to delve.