Whose Truth?

Today I am left wondering what my "my truth is." Is there such a thing as absolute truth and if so, who can interpret it? There was a time I thought my dad had an answer for every question and a later point where I knew God was the answer, but recently the question has been asked, "Who is God." If we were to write a definition or attempt a label, it would be limiting and fraught with our own misunderstanding. 

The writers at Calvin's Faith and Writing Conference this weekend write from a passion and a tradition, while also stating that questions drive their work. Lan Samantha Chang from Iowa, stated she was an agnostic who created a catholic priest character named Bernard, whom she liked, partially because he provided a wider view. Marilyn Robinson talked about the politics of peace by seeing everyone as "created in the image of God." Jonathan Safron Foer seemed not to care about God, beyond what the stories did to inform the structure and questions within his work and life. 

Patrick Madden shared his love of the essay, noting: 

- it is a place of questions/pondering, 

- the writer and character are the same voice, 

- the words are a window into the author's soul, not pretend, not self aggrandizing

- the writer tries to live up to the person he would like to become

This is a way of thinking about the world that I love. It is living in the complexities of politics, faith, and relationships, always open to hearing others voices. 

Back to Robinson for a minutes, she was asked why she was not more raw like Flannery O'Conner and she said that this was not her experience of the world, that she could only write what was authentic to her. When a student posed the question, "Where did your idea for explaining the ten commandments come from" (referring to her book Gilead), she said that [her character], John Aims told her. 

My age old questions include, how do I listen without trying to please and gain recognition? I fear everyones misunderstandings. While Robinson spoke, I found myself dreaming up pen names like "Soni Kraft," to hide under. Marilyn focused on Not Fearing anything but God, Lan shared how she avoided her calling for thirty years until she did not want to get up in the morning for anything else. I sit somewhere in the silence of Lan and fear this moment that I put words on a page. Weighed against my cowardice is my need for liberation.  And my question, "What if I can write something that matters to another human being."

I believe that God gave me himself and so I have to write our story down. My question, "What is my truth," leads to helping my character defy my smallness, to fight for something more beautiful and more painful then what I can see from my fogged windows .