Something I have run into a lot lately is the fact that the minute I receive the mom label, without the “legit” job tacked on the end, people tend to move on and dismiss me. This weekend I was at a party, where everyone had funky hair and quirky personalities, traveling to Detriot for NPR related shows and contributing to society in seemingly important ways. The minute I walked in, I felt like an outsider and throughout the entire night I basically sat in a corner while everyone had lively discussions. In introductions I was almost invisible. I felt so strange watching myself be outside and wondered why. No, I am not an important doctor or lawyer or professor that everyone else seems to be.
I get the mom stigma, because I was once there. I remember being a teenager and commenting to a leader at a retreat that staying at home would waste your mind and education, because we were made for bigger work. With her five year old running about, she responded that all the education and work was for her daughter and that that is the most important job there is.
I can’t say I know the answer, because I struggle for legitimacy and a place where I can feel competent. For me, mothering is ridden with daily guilt and fear and regret! To be with my kids playing legos and making faces is fun in chunks but wearying over several hours. On the flip side, I feel terrible leaving them to do “my other work.” If I could take it seriously, it would be writing, reflecting, and making decisions about what I want for today. My prayer about this conflict is that God would manage everyone else so that I could go back to just sitting and listening.
1 comment:
What a difficult conundrum, Sonia. I can't really understand what it must feel like, but it makes me sad that all those "legit" people at the party didn't get to know the truly interesting person that you are. I struggle with this same feeling of judgment in my mind, even though I respect the work that mothers do.
I feel I struggle for legitimacy as a woman who doesn't have any children. So maybe all that matters is believing, in your own heart, that what you do has value. As your work truly does.
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