I don't organize. Food is random. In the afternoon I think, "Oh phew, we still have some things that might work for dinners." My husband is fine with most things beyond having too many nights of salads and any food on the "wown't eat" list.
So I just got a bunch of quirky cookbooks from a neighbor and will once again attempt a month plan, freezing meats and hoping things last, because the work of purchasing ingredients and deciding in a moment is torture. I also need to be all new recipes because I somehow think people don't like anything I already made.
The same goes with cleaning. I clean when I get so disgusted by what I think others might notice about the fur balls in the corner. What must I, should I, can I do to be "good enough?" To accept the decision and move on (doing or not doing anything without fixating). I have to imagine that if I even settled on a once a month or five minutes a day cleaning routine, that might cure my anxiety.
I long to be less burdened by what I am not doing and either act or dismiss, going back to my entry on "doing or not doing the dishes."Here is the start of my meal plan. I might cook a Pork Roast, Beef Roast, Curry Chicken, Falafel Burgers, Meat balls, Chicken fingers, Fried rice, etc.
My desire is to see life, and in this moment daily survival, in a positive light, as if I am holding up a half full glass of ginger-lime juice, or an icy mocha or something bubbly. I love actually cooking for my family! The result feels like a major accomplishment.
My intention is to raise this glass to you, look in your brown eyes, say "cheers" and take a sip, swish for a moment and then swallow, leaving the memory to linger on!
If only it were that simple!
4 comments:
Some people think about life in terms of work. They assume they will be working with a few breaks in between (which are planned and sometimes taken dutifully). While others think about life in terms of play. They assume they will be playing and then try to fit in the jobs they know they have to do. I think you are the second (as I am and can relate to your sense of dread and procrastination with some of these daily tasks). Both types of people are awesome! And, like with many traits, opposites attract! So you might find both types of people in one marriage. Do you think Andrew is the first type?
Sometimes Shawn will come home and wonder why I didn't accomplish something he felt was important. I often find myself saying, "If you only knew all of the things that I DID do today. I don't want my whole day to be about the crap work!" (by which I mean all the crappy jobs that no one else wants to do - clean the bathroom, grocery shop, call about life insurance, etc).
I have found that a key to feeling content in this area of life is to decide on my standard of cleanliness (three rooms a week) or the number of times I want to cook dinner each week (about three). That way I can keep up with the crap work and focus on the things that are "important"! Without having to worry about whether I am avoiding the jobs I don't want to do.
I love your comments. I know that it is ok to be better or focus on what are strengths and let the rest be what it is! i really love the idea of life as play. I want to delight in my days and when I think in those terms, everything looks lovely.
I struggle with the tension of my choices and what Andrew would appreciate and how to do both. I want him to know how much I love him, while following my heart. Thanks for your comments. I love listening to you and learning from you. It feels like you make clear choices (like cleaning three rooms) and then go with it, which is freeing.
You want to love Andrew well! You are such a great mom and wife, Sonia!
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