Fritos

I recently bought Fritos for a good-buy party for a good friend from church. They were on sale and made me think about my mom. She loved them along with butter pecan ice cream, Triscuits, mound bars, raspberries and hot water. The description on the front of the Fritos bag read all natural, gluten free, no trans fats, so I believe them to be a health snack that I can enjoy without guilt.

My cousin told me that my grandmother began buying at the age of 90, after my grandfather passed away. She would pull out a bag, pour a few into a little bowl and enjoy them with her afternoon coffee. She said, "I like to take a few of these in the afternoon. I never bought them when Tigger (her husband) was alive, because he didn't care for them. She sacrificed for sixty some years, tolerating his bugles instead. I am guessing that he did not even know that she liked them.

I think about that as I enter my 13th year of marriage. What have I given up that I might really enjoy, artichokes, lobster, control of our finances, hiking, dance classes? A 26 year old neighbors son asked me to go salsa dancing saying, since you are married, being your partner wouldn't be weird. But the truth is, I kinda want to dance with my husband, and for him to want to go Scottish dancing, swing dancing, even though it might not be cool, or to just slow dance in some cheesy dance hall.

My husband is always saying, eat what you want, dance, hike! The trouble is that I want to do those things with him, but the him who would agree to enjoy it, if that is even possible. Maybe this is the year I will become more secure in my adventures and go off to do them without needing approval or to be accompanied.

At a minimum, I would like to put some dreams on the board to work toward. I know they might never happen and some will take years to manage, but here goes.

- Be in each moment with my kids - Enjoying our time together! (writing it and living in it)
- Get out of debt and start saving
- Tithe consistently
- Settle on a regular writing schedule
- Plan and take a hike
- Buy some piece of clothing that feels like me
- Co-managing our family finances
- Read one book from my mom's list - God of Small Things
- Subscribe to and read a lit magazine (and submit work to it)
- Run
- Make art
- Play Guitar

I know I can't do them all today, but having a point to shoot for gets me closer. Looking over my list, they all speak of a kind of rhythm that I long for in my weeks.