I am in the strange emotions today, claiming my identity as competitive female runner. I want to run faster then my peers, to prove my worth in speed. I am approaching my first 5K race March 10th and anxious about the outcome. I will either fail to break 20 minutes and feel disappointed or break 19 and create a new bar to live under.
Yesterday I did my second week of speed workout alone, while my core group was joined by a new girl, who creamed them. I haven't had to deal with this since my team racing days and wonder at my jealousy. Will I now have to fight for a position, or can I appreciate her talent and work off her?
There is a sense of how fully committed and engaged I must be to manage. I can't let myself off the hook and still compete. What I must do today is 1) Accept that each run is just a run and if I stop half way through, nothing will happen and I can run again tomorrow, 2) Remain positive the entire time. No matter how much I might think I hate heat or hills or faster racers, I have to chant, I love hills, I love the people ahead and behind me, I can do this. For me it is willing my legs to turn over at every step and letting my body be in the moment.
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