Running Chicago

I am reviewing marathon training plans this week. In doing so, I anticipate the intensity of longer and longer miles, more two a day runs, and wonder what it will take to get faster. Why faster? Because I want to know that I can. I am worried about the obsession, but also grateful for it. The sense that I can fly up another big hill or push the group pace or finish in under 7 minutes here and there is exhilarating.  I still can’t fathom running under 7 minute miles for 26 though. I want to go fast, though I don’t know what for. I don’t think anyone in my current world would know the difference or care.

I am embarking on a road trip with kids to Chicago for a race, a friend and am planning to accomplish untold feats in social connectedness. I am telling people I am coming this time. I long for hours with my old co-workers, a chance to play with friends kids in the city, a few hours with my non-kid friends who I used to spend whole days with, and of course mornings of running with my racing companions. I would also love to shop and walk and sit alone in my old haunts and drink endless cups of great coffee. The idea translates so much better then the time and energy it takes to put my kids in the car and tell them that we are going to see another one of mommy’s friends or are going to play with some new kids, where I want them to play while I do "talking."

So I guess my prayer for today is that I live without expectations.  That I can be available and let people come to me or not, without worrying about pleasing or feeling guilt for my lack of trying. I am too full and too empty to manage it all, so just have to take on Chicago as it comes. I hope that all my friends know how much I love and long for time with them, despite my lack of contact. You are stars in my universe!