So I broke my toe a week ago and am still hobbling in my mind trying to figure out what it means. I am disappointed about not Running the Chicago Marathon (I have an entry if anyone wants it). I wonder at the year of effort and the big dream of a 3 hour finish and how I slowly lost sight of its thrill. I struggled with pushing myself harder and longer and then questioned if I truly liked the three hour long runs at 7:30 pace. I am sad, but almost relieved at being off the hook. So strange to say that and it comes with lots of guilt, because I should want to run fast and I do love the feeling of accomplishment, but this year it has felt like an endless mountain I am stuck beginning over and over again.
So without 90 minutes of running each day, I should have time. I am a bit giddy and alternatively listless about the extra. The giddiness comes on the nights I look for guitar classes to take and envision making large sculptures. The listless moments come when I think about how much time I am surfing for the next adventure and not writing.
I have time to write, right? I have hours. I read Carey Wallace's article on writing and love the concept of writing two hours and how it took her a decade to publish, but she kept at it. What amazed me the most, however, was that she committed to an hour of prayer every day. A whole hour. I tried praying in the parking lot of Cosco yesterday afternoon, while my kids sat asleep in back. I usually do the quick, God, fix my toe, or be with my friend whose mom just died and then I go check, check (I do it in a heartfelt way, because I do mean it, its just that I feel like I don't have time to work on it more). Do I have 60 minutes of requests? Of course, I know prayer is not about requests, that you can pray Psalms and praise and all that, but I think I should actually try it. An hour of prayer, journaling, meditating every day.
The Carey piece inspired me and feels simple, yet gets at the core of real creating, which includes sitting down and waiting. So here I go, day 1.
Address for Article: http://www.cardus.ca/comment/article/2778/on-discipline/
1 comment:
Wow - I love your thoughts this morning - I want to do that too - I always feel like I don't have enough time too - like I'm just rushing from thing to thing and praying in the wakeful nights but not in the activities of the day - everyone is in school now so in reality, I have more time than I have ever had before - I want to fill myself with God and let him order my steps aright - The Psalmist says "Order my steps aright that I may gain a heart of wisdom..." Thank you for the encouragement to do just that. Sorry your toe is hurting. love you my sister.
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