Change

I am working on a new way of saying no, that is not my original list of No's. Or my latest idea to say, "I'm not feeling up to it."

It is closer to things like,
- Its tough to say
- I will see if I can get to that
- I need to check
- I'm not sure
- Feel free to send me an email and I will consider

Part of me knows I just need to put time in to wait. I need to be comfortable with silence. Negotiators would argue that the person to speak first is the one that ends up not getting what they want. So if a question or task is out there, it is the first person who can't take the silence to do it. I do like doing some things, but I just can't yet differentiate which or manage to have a healthy balance. Here is a story in a few chapters that speaks to what happens when we consider change.    

• Autobiography in Five Short Chapters^[1]
  
  
  
  
  Chapter I
  I walk down the street.
  There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
  I fall in.
  I am lost ... I am helpless.
  It isn't my fault.
  It takes me forever to find a way out.
  
  Chapter II
  I walk down the same street.
  There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
  I pretend I don't see it.
  I fall in again.
  I can't believe I am in the same place.
  But it isn't my fault.
  It still takes a long time to get out.
  
  Chapter III
  I walk down the same street.
  There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
  I see it is there.
  I still fall in ... it's a habit.
  My eyes are open.
  I know where I am.
  It is my fault.
  I get out immediately.
  
  Chapter IV
  I walk down the same street.
  There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
  I walk around it.
  
  Chapter V
  I walk down another street.
  
  
  
  
  ----------------------
  [1] A poem and highly popular self-help and recovery text by Portia Nelson.