I am wondering today about the habits that allow us to be BIGGER then our minds imagine. The simplest example I can think of is training for a marathon with a group. This is a journey I have embarked on many times, to get to a place where I am faster then I can imagine. Today I registered for the Chicago marathon with a goal time of breaking 3 hours, because I will never run that fast unless I decide to and tell you about it.
The irony is that I can barely sustain the under 7 minute pace for one mile, and wonder how I get to that speed over 26. I am being supported by the Ann Arbor RunningFit store, which also makes me nervous, as I am uncertain about how fast I can really go, six years after my last Chicago race.
As I ponder change, physical and mental, I can't help but think of my husbands work. He is focused on how to support sustained weight loss and feels that those who are most successful seem to have a switch flipped where they all of the sudden realize what they need to do and then go out and do it. The new lifestyle becomes a part of their routine and they own the changes.
I wonder about this ability to shift habits as I contemplate things beyond health and running. The areas I am most challenged in are relationships and faith. I don't prioritize these connections, even though I believe they are important. I fear that interactions mean I will have to do something or agree to something that I don't want to. It might mean not running, or not writing or playing with my kids for the tenth hour in the day. I feel this self preservation button kicking in, and become consumed by the idea that everyone else is infringing and I must shut down, clench my fists to hold onto my sanity, my identity, my, my, my. . .
So I want it all. To run easier. To talk about books and people and internal conflicts that are real. I don't want the guilt of choosing my time, but the raw moments while on a run with a friend. I want stories where we see God through each other. I want to connect with you, me and God on the ground, through doubt and hope and forgiveness. Is this possible?
2 comments:
Yes. But somehow I think we need to stake out our habit- commitments first, else the rest doesn't happen as well. We cant have all that AND have easy, my way. Love you!
So true! We need intention and habit and it is less about easy then about faithfully acting out our beliefs. I love you too and think of you in this struggle, because you appear to create the habits and respond based on what matters!
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