I believe that it does not matter if I write or paint or run. What is essential is that I am doing anything that grounds me in this moment. My creative life appears in pauses between needy babies; spaces where I can hear myself think. Writing is my choice, but saying it makes me wonder why I am not creating forms and figures in clay. The answer is that I can't stomach the juggling of childcare and supplies. Honestly, clay drying and kilns to fiddle with has meant dragging chalky grey figures from my Senior Show 11 years ago, through four houses until they finally landed in the garbage. Somehow, just having my voice and words is easier.
The thing that makes it feel justified beyond personal sanity is that there might be one or two people reading these words right now. At my mom's memorial, an old friend said that she followed my blog. I couldn't believe it and it makes me want to connect with her through contemplation on this page.
The blockade to my writing lately has been fear about people's reactions regarding the guts of my stories. Face to face I am suddenly shy, because I am publicly exposed and you are not. In my writing class, people say things like "I can relate" and "this happened to me," which makes me realize that going deeper is a blessing to myself and to others.
Some also want to know if all my writing is non-fiction. The truth is always grey, because I do write about my life in the form of other characters. My goal is to say something about envisioning what being fully alive looks like.
2 comments:
Hey there! I am reading!
Your cheerleader post makes me remember all the positives and negatives of high school soooo well... Ugh. I loved hockey and cheerleading on the random occasions I was actually chosen for the team, and they killed my ego and esteem the other times i wasn't. ugh, teenage years. But so thankful for the times with the klauders then.
thanks Jeannie. I remember sitting in the stands behind you and Debbie for every game. You were always willing to do the Pee Wee Herman!! It was great to see you and I so appreciate your connections with me and our family!
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