I am wondering today about pain and the choices I make in support of personal comforts.
This lady, Druckerman wrote a book, Bringing up Bebe, about how the French raise children, accomplishing balanced adult lives and creating the boundaries for their children can become independent. In her view, the authority is clear, there is a rhythm for eating, sleeping and playing and that it is a win win for parent and child.
I wonder what people take out of this book? Is it a desire for kids to be quiet at meals, a freedom from tantrums, children who go to bed on demand or a better chance to take care of themselves? It all sounds really nice, honestly.
Am I selfish for wanting adult conversations, getting tired of playing super heros and wishing I did not have to entertain? Does it mean I don’t love my kids? I might prefer not to hear kids at meals, not carry bags of food, or alternatively, I might actually enjoy legos and Candyland once in a while.
I think about how I self –select all my radio shows via podcasts. I avoid politics, would rather not waste an hour on science Friday, but say yes to Meryl Streep on Fresh Air and American stories and to Culturetopia.
I continue to struggle with the idea of being happy vs trying to live up to my friend’s expectations, because life is supposed to be hard. I wonder at my joy in memorizing scripture, talking with my 19 month old in words that he understands and repeats back, about how much my four year old loves hearing the story of Adam and Eve and them being naked and how I manage to fit in daily runs. I am running hard and getting my miles into the forties, getting hard workouts in, that I think will kill me until I am finished and feeling higher than life.
I guess I have not worked out the perfect French balance and so I will go with what my pastor said this morning in referencing Zechariah 4:10, “Do not despise the day of small things.” I believe my days are made of bits and pieces and we get the chance to see God in them if we just look up.
3 comments:
I don't think you are selfish for wanting adult conversations, not at all. I know many moms struggle with this balance, but I actually think you're doing quite well with it--achieving your running and writing goals while you parent excellently.
It seems that Druckerman is right. People, both adults and children, need boundaries and rhythms in their lives. I find I need them more and more with winter. The parents I see who sacrifice everything for the whims of their children end up with nasty children and no life of their own. Maybe the French are absolutely right.
Thanks Melissa. I like this freedom. I wish I could embrace it, but love the example you set when you are with me and the kids. You could be a parenting coach, because you have a knack for the balance!!!
I should tell you I was not an 'ideal' mother of small children. And I'm repeating this with my grandkids. I don't like playing blocks or dolls or imaginary games or real games. I don't even like reading stories to kids [which is weird, given my profession, I know]. My style was to facilitate but not participate. It was the best I could do given my strong introversion. I loved my kids fiercely, but in a way that was not like most other mothers. I enjoyed going on field trips with them [parks, museums, outdoor performances]
One of my best memories is camping with them on a small island in Maine and identifying wildflowers with a guidebook. They were only 2 and 4 then but it was great to have them with me.
And I love that verse about the day of small things.
Post a Comment