I remember sitting in a group therapy situation, where the leaders told us about the notion base levels and heightened reactivity. In a base level of operating, you are calm and relaxed. When you become angry or respond to intense situations, your emotions become elevated to address it. Then when the circumstance dissipates, you move back to that base level of operating, if and only if you can really mentally release and get back there. (things like meditation and running are supposed to help). If you don't get back there, then every situation that arrises takes you more and more into the reactionary zones that can border on explosive, if not addressed.
I wonder if lack of sleep and lack of time and frustration with crying babies has taken me towards the explosive zone. I find that everything is a BIG deal. I can't sit and focus. I could tell myself what would help, like time away from my children, a run, a nap, a pen and notebook, but I am unable to either get myself there, or unable to allow myself to stay there.
At this minute, I am writing this post, which feels huge. Here is my plan to address. I am going to look myself in the mirror tonight and commit to finding someone to watch both my kids for a total of six hours each week (not including my class time). I am also going to start sleep training my son (whatever that means). It sounds huge, but even if it only ends up with a bit more sleep and a few hours of work/alone time, I will be closer to sanity!
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