I sat in on a sermon that talked about neighborhoods. My pastor asked about how well we know our neighbors and suggested that with knowing, some of life's tough moments wouldn't go unnoticed. My feeling is the opposite. Knowing my neighbors means the depression, abuse, fear and hunger settle in my lap. I am more accountable to respond. If someone is hungry, lonely, afraid, rejected, then suddenly I am the answer. Well, God is, but through me?
The trouble is every person lives with those struggles much of the time. All 56+ people that live within 200 yards of me have real needs. Somewhere in the last month or two (or maybe longer), I reached a breaking point, because I realized that they do not know me. They know what I can do for them, the "How" of my role, but not the "Why." I haven't stopped to live out the "why" behind my work with people
I started running from people's needs and dreaming of a large plot of land all to myself. Then at church I heard of more needs, people hungry and unable to get work due to visa issues. They just need odd jobs that pay cash. I don't even read about the real crisis in human trafficking, polluted water, starvation and worse.
The Why should be because I long to know Jesus and be known by him. I long for a real working relationship with God, through loving his people. I long to feel heart needs and for Christ to satisfy. I long for the depth of love that Christ has for the lost. One non-believing friend mentioned that his mother was one of those Crazy Born Again Christians and I smiled as if she must be nuts. I didn't say, "Oh, like me?"
Marilyn Robinson is clear in her words, her living and her relationships about who she is in Christ. She is a raving Calvinist and she speaks of radical integrity. People come to talk with her about their questions. My youth leader was the same way. He would sit alone in the grass and wait for people to come, and they always did. That is what I long for. An identity in Christ and the freedom to let people see that in me. To give out more then stale bread and calcified water.
I heard the story recently of a guy who got divorced and decided he should move far away to escape the conflict with his family. He had three kids and his therapist said to him on his last visit, "See you in a few weeks." He responded with, "No, I'm not coming back." She said, "Of course you are. Your dad abandoned you and since you know what this is like, there is no way you would let your son experience it." So he chose to stay in it and fight. He asked for more then two visits a month, went to court many times and lived/s as a flawed but present father.
So I wonder what I fight for today, beyond fear of meeting someone I deem to be needy or judging. I want more then to divert my gauze. I want to pray for the real desperation inside myself and them. To come to the well, drink, eat, rest, grab onto Christ's cloak, climb a tree to just get a glimpse of Him.
God says (Isaiah 62:6 & 7)
On your walls
Oh Jerusalem, I have
appointed watchmen;
All day and all night they
will never keep silent
You who remind the
Lord, take no rest for
yourselves;
And give Him no rest
until He establishes
And makes Jerusalem a
praise in the earth.
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