Christ-mas Where Art Thou

I sat in therapy this morning listing my excuses for being chaotic. I am so good at having really great stuff to fill a black hole, called saving Christmas. I think this comes from my childhood experiences of Fear and Neglect. [I have to qualify this diagnosis with the word "unintentional," because I love my parents so much and just like there parents for them, they sacrificed so much and did the best they could with what they had!]

I feel an urge to buy everyone many great stocking stuffers, ones that will make them feel loved and known. This results in me seeing people and feeling overwhelmed with my task of taking on their happiness and fearing I can't do it. I also struggle to commit to any purchase, so  I wait and feel more fear at messing up and at 4PM on Christmas eve will go nuts to try and quell all of this in crazy spending at Whole Foods and REI and Cost Plus. 

This takes me to my real question, What would make Christ be enough on it's own? I've tried to tell people I wanted nothing, but the thought of getting nothing felt horrible too. My sister and I have both had good cries at feeling mis-read when we did not get things we wanted and then feeling horrible for being sad about it. This year I even purchased gifts for myself to ensure I had a back-up in case what I am given isn't enough. I can't imagine not giving toys to my kids, but could they be ok without? If I weren't so afraid, could truly accepting a God leaving a paradise to take on complete helpless infancy to personally love me, be enough? I pray that some day it will!