In this cold grey December, my family collected three consecutive
illnesses, from 103 degree fevers to all out stomach issues to terrible head
colds. The bugs hit every one of us in our turn, and took us out for over two
weeks. Simultaneously our heat turned off for three days at a time only to
return as someone knocked at the door to diagnose it, then when they left with
our checks, to have it turn off again.
I kept trying to keep everyone safe and then pretended to be
calm as I sat on the couch stroking heads, my mind racing on how to save these
ones from their pale dizziness. At some point I gave up trying to order days or cook
or live out a normal existence, unable to get a free moment to think or call a
friend.
Diane Telion from Knox gave a talk at an Advent Tea about weakness
due to her chemo treatments and how she was forced to let others prepare for
Christmas. I sit in wonder too as I imagine the weakness in being a teenage girl [Mary] going on a
long camping trip while pregnant and newly married. She had no control or place to hide, forced into a messy
delivery in a dirty cave among unknown animals. She had no people to know her or to call out to for explanations of the pain, of the pressure to push, what to do with torn insides? Then she has to nurse a baby, clean it without a laundry machine or even running water and
keep the baby boy alive. [We have not record of his weight and length or the amount of time it took to push him out]
That is the moment I ponder as I am forced to sit on
a coach. Maybe this is the reality God is calling us to. The one that means
being helpless and unprepared and forced to settle on the dirt floor to wonder
at who he is. To experience God sitting with us in our mess, with sweat beads on our foreheads and patting our back as we heave.
As color return to
my boys and husbands cheeks, they dress and eating plain noodles to sustain them for
today’s adventures, and I am thankful that I don’t have to be everything. On this day, I know a God who sees and holds and settles in to love me better and for the longer haul.
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