Changes in Adulthood

I am embarking on a journey of change. The overused statement of crazy is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. Recently a friend mentioned a study on depression saying people who go into a situation expecting one outcome and only seeing that outcome, regardless of what actually transpires. This is me! I keep looking at events as if they have already happened and people as if they are a constant/completed. 

And yet. . . I don't want to be this person.

I don't want to have a story of why I was wronged that I grip for 50 years or a determination that I cannot host a simple supper with friends, without endless stress leading up to it. I believe that others can and do show skills that I might learn from, tap into and thus that I can become capable of accomplishing well. 

What tasks? They range from dressing up in the morning, effective shopping trips, contacting friends, and all the daily tasks of cleanliness and family care to collecting of new intelligences, supporting my marriage, making art, living with creative output, sharing my beliefs and feeling the calm and presence to respond in a loving way to myself and others.

You probably have your own great list of things you wish you were good at or might do someday, maybe when there is time or If you woke up in a new situation. . . I am by nature a dreamer and I come up with endless possibilities that are grand and complicated, but I struggle with commitment, persistence, and completion. 

I have operated through various my background and nurturing into more of a chaotic spontaneous reactor. I am great at efficiency and productivity in response to a call. You need help right now and I can make something happen! It has a huge payoff in the moment, but a longer term wear that I would like to temper. 

I've collected various books on change, have completed a masters in Adult Effectiveness and Change and now want to commit to some very practical applications. I am what I do and so the goal is practical and longterm. 

I am capable of learning new skills that will help me move freely, jump into things that are important and allow me experience the surprises and joys that will come as I begin to open my hands to new skills and possibilities!