Whose Life Do I Live?

Dorcas and I drove to Ann Arbor early Easter, heading straight to Knox Presbyterian. As we walked into the sanctuary, Pastor Chuck called Dorcas’s name, his arms wide. Then he held out his hand and said to me, “I’m Chuck Jacobs.” She turned blankly and I blushed, because she has been living in Chicago for two years and I have been attending Knox for five.

Dorcas sat in Chuck’s office four years ago, worked with Deacons and Elders, and still has a team of people reaching out to her. Me, I am a hider. I can’t imagine sitting in Chucks office. Every week I think I should go to the front after church where deacons and elders are waiting to pray and/or begin a conversation, but I can't do it.

Dorcas mentioned that based on the questions of one of her team at Knox, she sat down and outlined her experience of God speaking over her life and was able to see the patterns and discipher his voice vs white noise. I wonder about this for myself. I know that God speaks. For one thing, he says, "Go pray with deacons," and I say, Someone else needs them more." For a few years he has been encouraging me to start a “Doubt Night Event: A place people can bring questions” and talk about their own journeys in faith and doubt. I feel like he is calling me to accept rejection, as he did. He has been calling me to Evangelistic mission in my neighborhood and I keep pushing him off. God says speak, and I say, "You don't want me?"

So, I have set up a day of prayer about my mission. I want to explore evangelism and real ways I can share Jesus. This does not mean I have to be anything or do anything or please anyone, just that I listen and follow God, who had done and continues to do the saving.