Affirmations

I finished a creative writing class, full of assignments, accountability and a collective group of editors, all helping me focus. Now I need to decide what to do next. I struggle with self-directed anything, ambiguity and working alone. I also wonder if my words are worth anything. Sometimes I think I have to have some master piece by the end of the day, in order to legitimize my existence.

There is much written about the importance of practice and just showing up, which are small steps towards creating anything. I am willing to take an hour a day to write. The challenge with this is that I have an incredibly difficult time sitting still. I can't seem to get myself into a calm place. I once had a therapist who made me sit for 60 seconds saying nothing and I was panicked. A few weeks ago a friend and I were hiking and stopped to draw and the physical act of sitting there to see the world made me crazy. I often wonder if I have ADD. I guess running and yoga are probably options here, but I definetly need some help!

Another thought on this subject of motivation, discipline and action is around affirmations. Through several channels this week, a blaring message has been SIKE YOURSELF IN! A friend commented that within inaction, you are in the worst possible place, which is NOW, before you begin. My therapist talks about how we need to be our own cheerleaders, chanting whatever mantra's we need to get us ready for the work ahead, which for me is putting time toward creating above doing anything else. In my handouts on Interpersonal Effectiveness, here are a few things that resonate:
If I didn't get my objective, that does not mean I didn't go about it in a skillful way.
I can insist on my rights and still be a good person.
Standing up for myself over "small" things can be just as important as "big"things to others.
I may want to please people I care about, but I don't have to please them ALL THE TIME.
I am an important person in the world, too.
The fact that I say no to someone does not make me a selfish person.
If I say no to people and they get angry, that does not mean that I should have said yes.

Julia Cameron leads her readers/students through affirmations to help in reprogramming their head towards a free spirited artistic mindset. Here are some items from her list:
I call upon my Higher Power to release the Creator within me.
I am successful and prolific as a co-creator
I make a living doing what I love every single day.
I'm creating a life that reflects what's dear to my heart
I have all the money I need. Spirit is supporting me.
I am so rich, I have much to share.
I have arrived at a place where I am secure.
Criticism and judgment does not affect me. I am the judge and I love and accept myself completely.
I am publishing and creating and the world needs what I do.
I forgive myself for feeling scared before. I am brave NOW. I am a brave creator who enjoys the process.
 
So my goal is to write and to notice all the crud that comes up as I kick and scream myself toward action. I am also going to look into a writing coach or writing group, as working in community is critical in helping me take my work seriously. (Yes, I need affirmation and support!)