Giving A Penny

So I am going to take a stab at the topic of money, because it seems to be on my mind all the time. I have never been in the habit of saving or giving to others, but I feel very guilty about it. I heard the analogy recently that when you hold tightly to a penny in your hand, you are missing out on the treasure it would afford you. I think every few days about what I would support, who I want to support and how I absolutely need to start and then I dribble my money into gutters of coffee and craft supplies and toys for David until I think, maybe next month. Ironically, there have been many months when I feel like I get so much more than I need or ask for and I still don't open my fists.

My husband and I recently sat down to talk about our budget and I was excited to know how much I could spend and for a moment thought it would be freeing to have boundaries to work in. I have about $50 a week in our current plan (plus $10 for David), but it was gone so quickly, that I don't want to be accountable or think about how much I blew and continue to blow it. A swimming pool for David for $10, dinner w/ book club for $30, a table cloth for $70, therapy for $20, baby shower gifts for $50, a baby play stroller for David, $25, and misc coffee for $15. So $220 minus $120 = $100 over. This does not include my planned trip with David to Chicago, which will end up being much more. Ugh.

So my pastor's sermons have been about where your money is, there your heart is also. A theme has been that stuff is not life giving. In other words, it does not make me come alive. He talked about letting God excite you, rather than the idea of possessions. There is a deceptive power in our minds that God is holding back and not giving us the delicious fruit from the "tree of the knowledge of good and evil." Somehow we think that the one thing (or many) we don't have is God holding back something good. Pastor Chuck went on to say that economics fuels our discontent, taking our heart's affections away from God. He suggested that the goodness of God is better than the fraudulence of others and asked the question, "What makes you drool for Jesus." His final comment was to start talking about our finances with others. We can talk about any other struggle, but money seems to be a taboo subject. Especially for my family, given we will soon have more of it, which might imply better uses for it????

This all weighs on my heart, so I want to give it over to God and get out of the comparisons, the guilt, the shame and the idol that I make money into.