Boredom

A friend of mine recently shared that despite being one of the busiest people alive, she had an hour to herself and felt completely bored. She did not know what to do with herself. I had to laugh because on Monday, I was sitting in a coffee shop with the same dilemma. I wrote out my to-do’s, I thought about writing, reading, community work, new artist groups to start and began to sweat because I felt no motivation to do any of those things and at the same time I did not want to waste a second. It seems crazy to say I was bored, given how little time I have and how much I crave space to work. It was like I was forced to watch sand fall in an hour glass. I then began scheming up new things I might add to my life, such as a baking company, singing lessons and getting to all the books I keep putting off.


Is boredom a natural byproduct of August? Should we do like the Italians and take the month off. To which I have to ask, where, oh where is my cabin on a lake (which everyone in Michigan seems to have)? My “bored” friend decided to read a fun book, Julie & Julia and picked up a second copy for me, which I started yesterday. Now I will be in the middle of six plus books including: The What is the What, David Copperfield, Let the Great World Spin, Reading Lolita in Tehran, The Glass Castle, my best friend’s novel and who knows what else. I am not sure why it is so difficult for me to commit and finish things.

In college I used to pack my schedule, so I could have an excuse for my mediocre grades. My issue is that if I truly give anything my full attention, then I might fail. Failing would mean losing the dreams I hold tightly about what I might be and do. If I commit, then I lose that dream and feel empty.

Motherhood is a bit tricky, because you don’t know what you are signing up for and once in, you can’t not commit, which is such a relief. So much of the challenge is just sitting down and going for it. It is deciding to show up at the beginning, in the middle and at the end, imagining each step in my mind and leaving no exit! This is why I love taking classes, with assignments and regular meetings. It is also why I love running. Once you go out, you have to come back. It is running a race; once you are on the course, you are far away and the only way to finish is to return and cross the line.

So I guess the real work is picking one book and finishing it. Taking one idea and working it through to completion. I am so thrilled to be accountable to my writing coach in completing three pages a week. If I do nothing else, I feel so excited about working on my story.

Ultimately, the satisfaction comes in the commitment and sense that I am in it. And I realize that even if I don’t publish my novel, I will be freed from the stuck place, where I can’t do anything and wonder how it might go. And if it goes nowhere, I am free to move on to the next book or idea that is in my brain.